Hey y'all,
So, towards the end of December, I kind of wrote about a friend of mine who lied about far too many things and looking back on it, I am kind of horrified with how discombobulated it is. I despise writing in such a sloppy manner, so let me first start by apologizing for my atrocious blog post. You all deserve to know exactly what happened without me being a "vague high school teenage Facebook post"... If you know what I mean.
Now, the entire ordeal. From the very tippy top point down to the gritty details. I will continue to use the false name I used for her back in the post "Liar Liar Pants On Fire" Stacy.
I met Stacy through Facebook. I had a question about something Navy related, and didn't really have anyone to talk to at the time. So I messaged a Navy support page on Facebook asking my question. She messaged me from her personal page and we kind of clicked. When I found out I was moving to Hawaii, Stacy and I were very excited that we would finally get to meet.
I met Stacy through Facebook. I had a question about something Navy related, and didn't really have anyone to talk to at the time. So I messaged a Navy support page on Facebook asking my question. She messaged me from her personal page and we kind of clicked. When I found out I was moving to Hawaii, Stacy and I were very excited that we would finally get to meet.
Fast forward to when I actually got out here on this rock in the middle of the ocean, we hung out constantly. It didn't feel completely different like some things are when you go from online to in person. Which was nice so I hung around... I noticed that Stacy and her boyfriend didn't really act like what my definition for a normal couple was. They didn't talk, they didn't compromise, and they just seemed disconnected. I assumed it was my doing with hanging out all the time, so I made myself scarce.
We still hung out on occasion... the hang outs grew further and further apart while she seemed to hang out with a new group of people. I was perfectly okay with that seeing as I was also doing the same thing. (I am very involved with the other wives of the husband's ship... So I usually had plans or something. haha) Finally, I met one of these friends of hers. Mary (Yes, the Mary from a prior blog post... If you are up to speed.... then you can kind of see where this could be going.) and Mary let it slip that Stacy had cheated on her boyfriend.
Let me put it out there. I am not the kind of person that will dig and dig until I get information out of someone. I am the kind that believes people need to work things out and sometimes, if they are in denial, I will coax it out with patience and kindness. It works a LOT better for me.
So she told me her sob story about how she felt unloved in her current relationship and how the guys that she had been with (yes plural) made her feel wanted and all that nonsense. She asked me how she should handle it and I told her that she needed to be honest with her boyfriend and tell him before he finds out from someone else.
Did she do it? Absolutely not.
So he found out about it from someone other than her. He is such a nice guy that he didn't yell, he offered to make everything better. You read that right. He was trying to make her feel better because he cared about her so much.
Then she really screwed up. She started messaging other guys in an inappropriate manner. When he found out about this, he did explode. He took everything away. This was how she landed on my doorstep for the remainder of her stay in Hawaii. (She had been staying with me for a few weeks by this point, but with plans to work things out and get an answer.)
So I stayed patient and kind like I was raised to do. I didn't want to be "that friend" that was mean and unreliable when she needed help. However, I started to notice that she was sleeping. A lot. When I would go to move her to the guest bedroom, she was speaking cursive. (aka: slurred speech) I caught her on a few occasions taking 2 of her anti-anxiety meds (her prescription only said 1 at a time) on top of her new antidepressants.... as well as taking OTC cold medicines. So, I held an intervention with Trent and Mary for Stacy, because we were all concerned for her. I told her if she spoke cursive again, I would call the cops and have her sent for a psych eval. She started following her medicine the way she was told to and was actually going through withdrawal symptoms. I helped her through this and started to get her on the road to making a decision as to where she was going to go.
We still hung out on occasion... the hang outs grew further and further apart while she seemed to hang out with a new group of people. I was perfectly okay with that seeing as I was also doing the same thing. (I am very involved with the other wives of the husband's ship... So I usually had plans or something. haha) Finally, I met one of these friends of hers. Mary (Yes, the Mary from a prior blog post... If you are up to speed.... then you can kind of see where this could be going.) and Mary let it slip that Stacy had cheated on her boyfriend.
Let me put it out there. I am not the kind of person that will dig and dig until I get information out of someone. I am the kind that believes people need to work things out and sometimes, if they are in denial, I will coax it out with patience and kindness. It works a LOT better for me.
So she told me her sob story about how she felt unloved in her current relationship and how the guys that she had been with (yes plural) made her feel wanted and all that nonsense. She asked me how she should handle it and I told her that she needed to be honest with her boyfriend and tell him before he finds out from someone else.
Did she do it? Absolutely not.
So he found out about it from someone other than her. He is such a nice guy that he didn't yell, he offered to make everything better. You read that right. He was trying to make her feel better because he cared about her so much.
Then she really screwed up. She started messaging other guys in an inappropriate manner. When he found out about this, he did explode. He took everything away. This was how she landed on my doorstep for the remainder of her stay in Hawaii. (She had been staying with me for a few weeks by this point, but with plans to work things out and get an answer.)
So I stayed patient and kind like I was raised to do. I didn't want to be "that friend" that was mean and unreliable when she needed help. However, I started to notice that she was sleeping. A lot. When I would go to move her to the guest bedroom, she was speaking cursive. (aka: slurred speech) I caught her on a few occasions taking 2 of her anti-anxiety meds (her prescription only said 1 at a time) on top of her new antidepressants.... as well as taking OTC cold medicines. So, I held an intervention with Trent and Mary for Stacy, because we were all concerned for her. I told her if she spoke cursive again, I would call the cops and have her sent for a psych eval. She started following her medicine the way she was told to and was actually going through withdrawal symptoms. I helped her through this and started to get her on the road to making a decision as to where she was going to go.
Lets fast forward a smidge, it's now her birthday. Trent and I decide that we are going to surprise her with a fluffy pink blanket (She gave hers to someone in need and needed a new one) and some special cupcakes to celebrate. She later went out with some mutual friends of ours to drink and all that nonsense. I didn't hear from her till 2 in the morning about whether or not she was coming home or staying with a friend.
The following morning. All hell broke loose. I found out everything. I found out that she didn't go out with mutual friends on her birthday, but instead went out with guys that I had never met. (which, i wouldn't stop her from doing, but would want to know that she was safe....) I found out that she had been using my name to lie to people about where she was and who she was with. I found out that she had been texting her now ex-boyfriend saying how he was ruining her birthday and that my husband and myself didn't do anything to make it special. I also found out about the inappropriate messages and pictures being sent from within my home. I. Was. Livid.
The following morning. All hell broke loose. I found out everything. I found out that she didn't go out with mutual friends on her birthday, but instead went out with guys that I had never met. (which, i wouldn't stop her from doing, but would want to know that she was safe....) I found out that she had been using my name to lie to people about where she was and who she was with. I found out that she had been texting her now ex-boyfriend saying how he was ruining her birthday and that my husband and myself didn't do anything to make it special. I also found out about the inappropriate messages and pictures being sent from within my home. I. Was. Livid.
I texted her asking her when she was going to be home, and she called me saying how bad she felt for lying and blah blah blah (insert crocodile tears). I told her that she and I needed to have a discussion and it was not to be had over the phone or Facebook.
So I waited. I cleaned my house, did laundry, ran errands, and brought husband dinner. 8 hours and she still hadn't made it home. Finally, at 11:30 pm, she walks through my garage door.
I let her have it. All of the anger, hurt, confusion, and frustration. She experienced it first hand. It erupted out of me like a volcano. It started off as a rumble when I told her that I was done with the lies. It started to shake when I told her that she was done being a floozy in my house, and that if she was going to act like a child, then I would treat her as such. It exploded with the fury of Pele (Goddess of volcanoes out here in Hawaii) when she stepped up to swing at me, and I met her in the middle. She was all bark. No bite. She was the little chihuahua that you see at dog parks causing problems, but the moment that it hit the fan, it ran off with it's tail between it's legs. Needless to say, I jerked a knot in her tail so tight, I don't think she will ever get it out.
I called her out on everything. I told her that her anxiety was all in her head. That she wasn't depressed because she hadn't refilled her prescription for the antidepressants in a week. But she sure as hell made sure she had her anxiety meds. So I gave her 7 hours to give me a time and date for when she would be flying home. I had that info in 6 hours and 56 minutes.
The worst part is? I want her to get better. I want her to see that she has nothing but potential to be a fantastic person. That she doesn't need to copy whoever is around her. That she doesn't need the fancy clothes, fancy makeup, and hairdo. I hope she finds peace. I hope she finds herself and I hope that she takes responsibility for herself.
I called her out on everything. I told her that her anxiety was all in her head. That she wasn't depressed because she hadn't refilled her prescription for the antidepressants in a week. But she sure as hell made sure she had her anxiety meds. So I gave her 7 hours to give me a time and date for when she would be flying home. I had that info in 6 hours and 56 minutes.
The worst part is? I want her to get better. I want her to see that she has nothing but potential to be a fantastic person. That she doesn't need to copy whoever is around her. That she doesn't need the fancy clothes, fancy makeup, and hairdo. I hope she finds peace. I hope she finds herself and I hope that she takes responsibility for herself.
Sometimes the hardest thing to do when you love someone is to let them go. This is me letting her go so she can grow up and become the beautiful person that I know she is capable of doing.
-Haley
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