In the Shadow of the Mountain

Hey y'all,

    For the 10th day of this challenge, it told me to take a picture of something green. And, because I am who I am, I am taking it a step further. I am taking a picture of something green and something that meant the world to me.

    You see, Trent and I never had a honeymoon. We got engaged and 9 months later were married so that I could move with him. Add to it the fact that we have moved 2 times in a year and a half of marriage, and we really don't have the time or the funds to go and do something fun and crazy. 

    Well, during Trent's holiday leave, he surprised me and signed us up for a tour of the island. We went all the way around and saw some absolutely beautiful landscapes and scenery. 

    The picture above was taken at a macadamia nut farm. It was in the shadow of that huge mountain, and everything was so green. There were even wild roosters and hens walking around. They had the best macadamia nuts I have ever had. The locals there were beyond friendly and I was completely and totally content and happy. We did this trip on New Years Eve, and it was so wonderful.

    What is one thing that you and your spouse have done that just left you feeling loved and content?

-Haley

Liar Liar Pants On Fire Part 2

Hey y'all,

    So, towards the end of December, I kind of wrote about a friend of mine who lied about far too many things and looking back on it, I am kind of horrified with how discombobulated it is. I despise writing in such a sloppy manner, so let me first start by apologizing for my atrocious  blog post. You all deserve to know exactly what happened without me being a "vague high school teenage Facebook post"... If you know what I mean.

   Now, the entire ordeal. From the very tippy top point down to the gritty details. I will continue to use the false name I used for her back in the post "Liar Liar Pants On Fire" Stacy.

    I met Stacy through Facebook. I had a question about something Navy related, and didn't really have anyone to talk to at the time. So I messaged a Navy support page on Facebook asking my question. She messaged me from her personal page and we kind of clicked. When I found out I was moving to Hawaii, Stacy and I were very excited that we would finally get to meet.

   Fast forward to when I actually got out here on this rock in the middle of the ocean, we hung out constantly. It didn't feel completely different like some things are when you go from online to in person. Which was nice so I hung around... I noticed that Stacy and her boyfriend didn't really act like what my definition for a normal couple was. They didn't talk, they didn't compromise, and they just seemed disconnected. I assumed it was my doing with hanging out all the time, so I made myself scarce.

    We still hung out on occasion... the hang outs grew further and further apart while she seemed to hang out with a new group of people. I was perfectly okay with that seeing as I was also doing the same thing. (I am very involved with the other wives of the husband's ship... So I usually had plans or something. haha) Finally, I met one of these friends of hers. Mary (Yes, the Mary from a prior blog post... If you are up to speed.... then you can kind of see where this could be going.) and Mary let it slip that Stacy had cheated on her boyfriend.

    Let me put it out there. I am not the kind of person that will dig and dig until I get information out of someone. I am the kind that believes people need to work things out and sometimes, if they are in denial, I will coax it out with patience and kindness. It works a LOT better for me.

     So she told me her sob story about how she felt unloved in her current relationship and how the guys that she had been with (yes plural) made her feel wanted and all that nonsense. She asked me how she should handle it and I told her that she needed to be honest with her boyfriend and tell him before he finds out from someone else.

    Did she do it? Absolutely not.

    So he found out about it from someone other than her. He is such a nice guy that he didn't yell, he offered to make everything better. You read that right. He was trying to make her feel better because he cared about her so much.

   Then she really screwed up. She started messaging other guys in an inappropriate manner. When he found out about this, he did explode. He took everything away. This was how she landed on my doorstep for the remainder of her stay in Hawaii. (She had been staying with me for a few weeks by this point, but with plans to work things out and get an answer.)

    So I stayed patient and kind like I was raised to do. I didn't want to be "that friend" that was mean and unreliable when she needed help. However, I started to notice that she was sleeping. A lot. When I would go to move her to the guest bedroom, she was speaking cursive. (aka: slurred speech) I caught her on a few occasions taking 2 of her anti-anxiety meds (her prescription only said 1 at a time) on top of her new antidepressants.... as well as taking OTC cold medicines. So, I held an intervention with Trent and Mary for Stacy, because we were all concerned for her. I told her if she spoke cursive again, I would call the cops and have her sent for a psych eval. She started following her medicine the way she was told to and was actually going through withdrawal symptoms. I helped her through this and started to get her on the road to making a decision as to where she was going to go.

    Lets fast forward a smidge, it's now her birthday. Trent and I decide that we are going to surprise her with a fluffy pink blanket (She gave hers to someone in need and needed a new one) and some special cupcakes to celebrate. She later went out with some mutual friends of ours to drink and all that nonsense. I didn't hear from her till 2 in the morning about whether or not she was coming home or staying with a friend.

    The following morning. All hell broke loose. I found out everything. I found out that she didn't go out with mutual friends on her birthday, but instead went out with guys that I had never met. (which, i wouldn't stop her from doing, but would want to know that she was safe....) I found out that she had been using my name to lie to people about where she was and who she was with. I found out that she had been texting her now ex-boyfriend saying how he was ruining her birthday and that my husband and myself didn't do anything to make it special. I also found out about the inappropriate messages and pictures being sent from within my home. I. Was. Livid.

    I texted her asking her when she was going to be home, and she called me saying how bad she felt for lying and blah blah blah (insert crocodile tears). I told her that she and I needed to have a discussion and it was not to be had over the phone or Facebook. 

    So I waited. I cleaned my house, did laundry, ran errands, and brought husband dinner. 8 hours and she still hadn't made it home. Finally, at 11:30 pm, she walks through my garage door. 

    I let her have it. All of the anger, hurt, confusion, and frustration. She experienced it first hand. It erupted out of me like a volcano. It started off as a rumble when I told her that I was done with the lies. It started to shake when I told her that she was done being a floozy in my house, and that if she was going to act like a child, then I would treat her as such. It exploded with the fury of Pele (Goddess of volcanoes out here in Hawaii) when she stepped up to swing at me, and I met her in the middle. She was all bark. No bite. She was the little chihuahua that you see at dog parks causing problems, but the moment that it hit the fan, it ran off with it's tail between it's legs. Needless to say, I jerked a knot in her tail so tight, I don't think she will ever get it out.

    I called her out on everything. I told her that her anxiety was all in her head. That she wasn't depressed because she hadn't refilled her prescription for the antidepressants in a week. But she sure as hell made sure she had her anxiety meds. So I gave her 7 hours to give me a time and date for when she would be flying home. I had that info in 6 hours and 56 minutes.

    The worst part is? I want her to get better. I want her to see that she has nothing but potential to be a fantastic person. That she doesn't need to copy whoever is around her. That she doesn't need the fancy clothes, fancy makeup, and hairdo. I hope she finds peace. I hope she finds herself and I hope that she takes responsibility for herself.

    Sometimes the hardest thing to do when you love someone is to let them go. This is me letting her go so she can grow up and become the beautiful person that I know she is capable of doing. 

-Haley 

Here's a Smidge

Hey y'all!

    I know I haven't posted lately... But I have been super busy! With Christmas just passing, and New Years just around the corner, I feel like the energizer bunny! I have been baking cookies, making good meals, making special drinks, and flitting from activity to activity like a busy honey bee.

    I have done some growing in the last week or so. I put my foot down on where I refuse to budge, and in doing so, I hope that I made my point clear and opened some eyes to what they were doing. (May post about it later) I also witnessed a Christmas Miracle. A family member of mine survived a heart attack and is defying all odds. 

    Not to mention... I made fudge. In a microwave. And it was as smooth as butter. :3 I will be posting the recipe with photos to the Recipe page. So keep an eye out for it! :)

    I hope y'all had a wonderful Christmas! :) It definitely didn't feel like Christmas, but I will take it. I mean, how many people can celebrate Christmas in Hawaii? Haha.

    Well, that is it for now, talk to y'all later!

-Haley

Where Are You Christmas?

Hey y'all!

    On this blog post, I want to talk about something that I have been struggling with. Normally, this time of year, I am a bubbly little Christmas sprite. Like, full on Christmas music, baking, singing, watching movies, decorating, and giving person.

    Well, this year, I find myself in a rut. I am not entirely sure what's going on, but I think that it's a combination of things that are going on in my life that have just stacked in front of that Christmas Door... Which totally sucks. I feel like the holiday's are changing... and I am not kept in the loop that has Christmas Spirit. I just feel like I am going around in circles, like I am just doing the motions. I am used to playing Christmas Movies all day, every day, and going out shopping and being around my family. 

   I think that's a big part of my lackadaisical Christmas Spirit... I am in Hawaii, which doesn't feel like Christmas, about 3,000+ miles away from my family. Yes, I have Trent here, but I am used to tons of people being around and all the craziness and joy with my family. I guess I'm just blah.

   I am hoping that I can get myself out of this funk and get into that Christmas Spirit. So tomorrow, I am going to make a whole bunch of cookies and play nothing but Christmas Movies and kinda throw myself into it and hope for the best.

    Anyway, I have got to go clean up some more. Talk to y'all later!

-Haley 

Momma Didn't Raise No Fool

Hey y'all.

    So today's post will be a blog post and a ranting session. I apologize in advance if I kinda bounce all over the place. 

    I had a friend, Mary*, that seemed to be pretty cool. We hung out a couple of times out here in Hawaii... and she and I seemed to get along rather well. Her boyfriend was a military member, which was yet another thing that we had in common. One weekend, she stayed the night and we all were drinking. In the midst of our jovial intake of spirits, she received a phone call and left the room. We didn't think anything of it, until she didn't come back. We went looking for her and found her curled up and crying. 

    I had no idea what she was saying, all I knew was that she was upset and that she was my friend and I needed to make sure she was okay. We waited for her to calm down and she told us that a mutual friend of ours had just found out that a family member was terminally ill... and that he was wanting to come see her seeing as she was his best friend. So he came over and we went inside to give them some space... He was upset and only wanted his best friend. (Mind you, this was the dude that she was doing the bed sheet tango with) She promised that they weren't doing it anymore, that she wanted to focus on her relationship with her boyfriend. 

    Later that night, we were sitting out on the front porch and she told us that she was so upset about the news because she could relate. And by relate, she meant that she had cancer... and only had a year and a half to live. This was a huge bombshell. She looked so healthy. The next morning, her and I were sitting at the table, and she told me that her meds that she took could make her live up to 2 years. I told her I would keep her in my prayers. She went as far as to show us each of the pills that she had to take.

    We continued on with our day and she said that she had to go home cause her boyfriend was upset. I told her to let me know when she got home and to drive safe and with that, she left.

    Two hours later, I received a text message from Mary stating that she was at the hospital and that she would fill me in later. I was a nervous wreck. I didn't know which hospital, and I didn't know what had happened. Finally, 6 hours later, she told us that she was in the mental ward, and that she had thoughts of causing permanent harm to herself and it scared her so she went to the hospital.

    The following morning, we went and visited her in the mental ward... She was on some pretty good drugs, so she wasn't completely there. Her best friend was there as well, and they were all over each other. -Signal the first Red Flag-

    After the visit, I didn't know how to feel, so I settled with happy that she was okay. About two days after that, she had signed herself out of the hospital, even though she told us she didn't feel any better. But her mom was there, so we weren't too concerned. Later that day, she messaged us saying that while she was in the mental ward, they did a biopsy of her tumors and it came back as a lump of cells. That it wasn't cancer. -Signal second Red Flag- But, misdiagnoses happens more often than we would like, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I asked her how her parents were handling the health insurance bills... because that can be pretty stressful on someone... and she told me, "I signed paperwork when I was 18 that barred them from seeing what I get done health wise." -Signal next Red Flag-

    Two days later, she messaged us and said that they had drained the cyst in her neck. When I asked her what she was talking about, (a cyst is very different from a tumor), she said that they did more tests and it turned out to be a cyst. -Signal final Red flag-

    So, my list of lies that Mary has told me are the following:

1. She had cancer

2. It was a benign tumor... not cancer

3. Turns out the benign tumor was actually a cyst... the doctors had it wrong and she had been paying thousands of dollars on harsh medicine for her body... but she was cool with it.

4. She wasn't boinking her guy best friend while still with her boyfriend.

5. She barred her parents from seeing what their health insurance was being used for.

    Hefty list. 

    So, I confronted her. I asked her about everything. I have had members of my family pass from cancer. I know how much the world's most expensive health insurance covers... And it isn't a lot. Anything that is associated with cancer, it's expensive. She then tried to tell me that she was discharged by her doctor... that she didn't sign herself out. When I sent her the screenshot of our discussions... all of a sudden, "everything is a blur." 

    I couldn't take it anymore. I called her on her lies. I called her out on everything. I caught her in her lies, and like her imaginary tumor, I cut her out of my life. I don't need someone who is going to lie about serious things like that.

    When I asked her what she was going to do about her boyfriend, and if she was going to tell him the truth, she said, "I don't want to ruin his Christmas. Once my mom and I get a place, I will move in with her and then I will tell him." She's basically using him for a place to stay... when he thinks he is being the most supportive person ever.

    Evil girl. So glad that I discovered who she really was before I got in too deep.

*Name has been changed

    Whew. I feel worlds better getting all that off my chest.

    Anyway, I have been doing everything I can to get into the Christmas Spirit, and it got me thinking. What is the Christmas Spirit? Here's my answer:

    It's not about gifts, it's not the lights on the house, or the ornaments on the tree. It's sitting in your home with the people that you love and knowing that you are happy, healthy, and in good company. It's seeing your fellow mankind and smiling and waving instead of avoiding eye contact like it were the plague. It's going out and feeling full when you are with a group of friend and y'all are laughing and having a good time.

    I see all these videos of kids losing it when they get socks or clothes... And it breaks my heart. So I will do everything in my power to make sure that when I have children, that I pass that same message along. Christmas Spirit = Love.

    Trent is still off doing Navy stuff, so I am going to finish off the Christmas Cards and get caught up on laundry and housework. 

    In the mean time, what are some traditions you have in your family? Have you ever been in a situation where you knew someone was lying and they just continues to lie like that? It's so stressful!

-Haley